When
we were children in the 1930's and 40's, families naturally
absorbed the few relatives who outlived the actuary
tables. Homes were large and designed to comfortably
accommodate three or four generations.
After
World War II, our society changed drastically. Small
towns and farming communities gave way to sprawling
suburbs and urban centers. Families were defined as
mom, dad and 2.3 children. In the late fifties our society
began to notice that in our haste to provide affordable
housing for the returning veterans, we had forgotten
to make room for Grandma and Grandpa. As is typical
of Americans, we threw money at the problem.
The
earliest concept in senior housing consisted of huge
walled developments, which had the unfortunate label
of "aging ghettos." That model didn't work
because minimal attention was placed upon building a
sense of community. Today we have much smaller senior
communities where the building size, design, programming
and location provide lifestyle choices for the elderly.
This paradigm of aging offers friends and activities
right outside their front door.
Adult
children tour assisted living and retirement communities
and think, "Wow, what a great deal. I want to move
in!" And they will. In a few years, downsizing
to a retirement apartment will be part of the natural
course of aging. Why then do so many of today's elderly
drag their feet until it is too late for them to enjoy
the benefits of this kind of living? The answer is simple.
No matter how attractive and well managed the community
is, in their eyes it is THE OLD FOLKS HOME.
As
adult children we must step past our parent's resistance
when the issues are health and safety. Things to be
considered are: Do our parents take their medications
properly? Are they eating enough to sustain health?
Are they handing the tasks of daily living? Are they
depressed and isolated? Do they refuse to have safety
devices installed in their home? Is the only exit from
their home down 17 concrete steps with no handrail?
How
do we step in? Start with small suggestions. Present
the idea of a few hours of in-home care each week. A
small amount of help may improve their safety and quality
of life. When they have adjusted to accepting help,
gently begin encouraging them to think about what they
would like to do when they need a higher level of care.
Take them to lunch at a senior community you have carefully
selected. Get them involved at a local senior center
or day care program. Nudge them toward senior focused
activities. Slowly change their idea of the way it is
"supposed to be." Those of us in our 50's
and 60's feel little resistance to the new paradigm
of aging. Let's be sure we remember this twenty years
from now when our children express concerns about us.
